Mamma said there'd be days like this...

I suppose I could wait until there was some daylight and take a picture of this masterpiece without a flash so you could really see what's going on here, however, I'm not going to.

This mess in the bad photos is what one half pound of alpaca looks like after it has been accidentally felted due to some terrible info found on the (oh so trustworthy) interwebs. I feel the need to warn anyone who might consider reading the below that if they are;

(a) an alpaca farmer

(b) a friend or relative of an alpaca farmer

(c) one of those people that think the almighty alpaca fibre descended from on high with a host of angels singing its praises

(d) all of the above

that they need not continue, it will just foster ill feelings towards me and I really would rather not do that, so please, just skip along to something happier (it's bound to show up sooner or later).

Now that you have been warned, I digress... the above mess was caused by some quick research on the internet on washing raw alpaca fleece. I encountered what was a seemingly trustworthy source as the website in question was that of a keeper of the beast from which this fleece originated. I was sooo excited to get this washed, spun and turned into a couple pairs of super-warm mittens for people - people I planned to tell, "I hope you like these, I picked the poop out of the fibre myself!" I did my research (so I thought) and read that due to the incredibly smooth surface of the individual fibres that it was IMPOSSIBLE TO FELT ALPACA. In fact, they suggested washing it as vigorously as needed to get all of the dust and debris out. So that's what I did. During the first washing the water was disgustingly dark, same with the third, fourth and fifth. By the sixth water change things were looking up! The fibre floating in my sink was a much lighter colour than what I started with... all was good, so good I was in fact chatting on the phone with a friend while I mashed things around making sure it was nice and clean. That's when things got a bit wonky. I was talking about my little washing adventure and had no sooner said the words "and you know what's cool!? It can't be felted so you don't have to be so careful with it" before things started to go sour. Clumps were becoming apparent, clumps that weren't separating... "holy shit, this is felting" I exclaimed...incredulous that I had just spent the past hour joyfully washing what was now apparently a sink full of amputated dreadlocks. It. was. horrifying.

That was the moment I decided that the oh so revered and well marketed alpaca was the devil in a Sunday hat and that you can't trust things you find on the internet (yes I see the irony in actually ranting about this online...I find it slightly glorious and just a bit satisfying). I'm going to say it...I have a great distaste for alpaca... in fact, I would go so far as to say I plan a full-fledged boycott. Neither the fibre nor the hooligans that raise them can be trusted.

At least for now.